Added Priscilla Farina to the bill! See ya on the 9th.
September, 2011:
Scrub’s Digest: Know a Busta Newsletter
Scrub’s Digest: Know a Busta Newsletter
Week 46, Justin Jeremy Jones
Why I’m fly:
* My Dad owns a dealership. He lets me test drive all the cars. It’s so cool. I drive at top speed. I’ll pass anyone. I even passed a Mercedes in a Toyota once.
* I dress fly as hell. Polo shirt, golf shorts, backwards cap tilted slightly to the side.
* I was into Insane Clown Posse before anyone. Even Jack White.
* When I go to a restaurant, I always order the most expensive thing on the menu. If I’m at Wendy’s, I’ll get the chicken nuggets AND a burger.
* I go to all the parties.
* I was breastfed… ladies.
* I have a ton of cool friends.
* But I’m the coolest out of, like, all the people I know.
* The ladies love my sense of humor. They say I’m funnier than Dane Cook. Whenever I say something, people say, “Hoo-wee! That’s funny!”
* I do cool shit: I am the king of keg stands. I smoke cigarettes dipped in embalming fluid. I can no longer count to ten, but it’s worth it.
* I get my car washed every day. I get my car washed every day. I get my war cashed every way. I met guy mar mashed every day.
* My friend, Max Adams, you don’t wanna fuck with him. He could kick your ass. He was breastfed as well. You know the puppeteer that does Alf? Max Adams kicked his ass. You know the guy that created Strawberry Shortcake? They had a fistfight at a Weird Al Yankovic concert. Who won? My friend Max.
So in submarine, those are just a few reasons why I’m fly.
by Dan Shapiro with help from Barbara Shapiro. Edited by Mason Johnson
Why is this here? Because I, Mason Johnson, print out a zine every P. Fanatics. This last reading was no different, with one exception: I forgot to hand it out. Yes. I printed a zine, brought it to the bar, and never handed the thing out. I am an idiot.
<3 Mason
P. Fanatics: No Bustas
Sunday, September 11
7:00pm
Cole’s Bar
2338 N. Milwaukee
Featured Readers:
Dan Shapiro
Keith Ecker
Ian Belknap
Stephanie Lane Sutton
Emily Rose
Samantha Irby
The Crusty Cunt
and hosted by Mason Johnson
What’s a busta? Are you serious? Here’s one example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Av7m_Pgt1S8#t=00m23s
With that said, bustas come in all shapes and sizes. They need not only fit Lisa Left Eye Lopez’s definition of a scrub, but can run the gamut of busta-ness.
Here are some bustas that ain’t allowed:
Chris Brown
Drew Carey
New York
Harold Ray
Drake
John Wayne Gacy
Famine
Vietnam War
Air Bud
The woman at the corner store who still IDs me.
And yeah, I’m aware there’s a bajillion other readings this night. Honestly, I don’t even care if you skip out on this, as long as you go to a different reading. Anyone who stays in, or does something non-reading oriented with their time, will get eviscerated by Dan Shapiro though.